On a Mountain Top~ Within a Dream

On a Mountain Top~Within a Dream

Just go/she said that night/just go/ and then the sky opened up to reveal/clarity/peace/where just moments before/sorrow/anger/greed/for more time/ the light is out/a light that provided so much/guidance/reassurance/strength/so we burned a fire/every night/for a week/wood leaves branches/to replicate your warmth/to cleanse/to shed light on the path you chose/your life was nothing if not Nobel/your heart/massive/so big/so full/its painfully human operation/could not continue/immense/like the sky above/fierce/like the fire before us/we are burned from it/validation/a burn that will never heal/wear it with pride/like a badge/proof/that you left your mark on those who were close enough/to catch your fire/to catch your light/the sky opened up/and we were burned.
Just go/she said that night/find peace/ Find love.
The sky opened up/just for us/as if to say/I’m still here/ you just have to look/ Look harder/ Look up/look in/I’m here/beating in your chest.
Just go she said that night/ just go.
And the sky opened up/clarity. Peace. Light.

❤

© Chelsea Kelleher 6/22/12

In an Instant–

Searing/ hot/ pain

Stinging down/ flushed cheeks

Cutting through/ again and again

Spilling over/ and over

Red rims/puffy eyes.

Too many/ have been there before

Raw /chapped.

This huge gap/ this enormous wound

hasn’t even/ begun to heal

Torn up/ ripped off/ again.

A band aid/ a drink

Wouldn’t help/ would make it worse

It’s almost/ laughable

How much/ can go wrong

Can be taken/ away

Instantaneously.

“we’re only human/ just star stuff/

Floating around/ a big blue/ globe

Making/ connections.”

Connect/ and hope/ you’ll be here

Tomorrow.

To see your face/ to laugh/

Uncontrollably/ again/ and again.

That sound is/ eternal/ in my ears

In an instant/ it will be/ a sweet memory.

That stings/ that slips out/ that creeps in

I was fine/and then–

Down my cheeks/ in public

Onto the page/ the middle of the day

Without reacting/ it’s okay

I just thought—

Without/ thinking first.

Mourning Period

i just got un-settling news. death stuff. not the usual traumatic death stuff, so this is different.

a goddess of a woman has passed from this planet and is moving onto new adventures. she was incredibly dear to me, my self appointed fairy grandmother. a life long librarian and the person to give me my treasured copy of alice’s adventures in wonderland; both published and annotated versions. she sent me a rare book and a tea cup for every birthday, every holiday, until i was 18. until she couldn’t remember anymore. her books were always, ALWAYS eerily what i needed to be reading at that time. a true, to her bones, librarian. its the only profession she ever had. inside the book cover would always be a handwritten letter.  i have every letter she ever sent me since birth. they are inside each book, all on my shelf. currently, as i sit at my raven’s writing desk, right to my left (she would appreciate this) is a book titled ‘treasure trails in art’ with a handwritten letter just inside the cover. i read the letter every time i feel un-inspired and the book helps me beat down any art based fears i might have from time to time.

her legacy lives inside pages.

exactly how she wanted it.

i will leave you with some of her wise words.

“visit the library, read a book & drink some tea. but don’t forget to look up from time to time so you can have a proper adventure!”

❤ cheers.

Enterances & Exits

Entrances & Exits

I walk fast/ up that hill/ with no effort at all/
like a blur/ of intent
I walk with purpose/ not with poise

I talk fast/mumbling/ awkward/ incoherent
most of the time jumbled/mumbled sentences/ not meaning a thing
It makes sense/when I write it down

Yet someone/ once compared me/ to grace
I laughed/sipped my drink
“Grace” he said, “you remind me/ of grace”

I stumble/mumble/…“I’m ridiculously well-rehearsed”
we laugh/but that’s just it

I put on my costume/paint my face/rehearse my lines/ over/& over/
& over/until/ I’m ready

To make an entrance/I walk fast
toward my destination/preform my part/ & exit
Stage/left.

❤

-as is

I collect/inherit

Trinkets/prizes/toys

Keepsakes/hand me downs/ heirlooms

I cherish/polish/display

For the world to see/

look what I found!

Other people’s throwaways/perfection

My friends/my family/are not so different

We found each other/completed the set

Of adoration/and insanity/ the most random collection

Brash/snagged/cracked/and loud/ if we had a tag

It would say/ purchase/ “As Is”

We fill up the house/our commune

And we create/heirlooms/each of us/a project

To be handed down/to be given back

Keepsakes/look what I found!

For the world to see;

Lights/Up.

-Chelsea Madsen, Artsgiving 2012

/Matriarch.

/Matriarch. 

Within 10 months/ they were both taken/

As one family holds another up/ they both crumble/

Under the weight of so many uncertainties.

No one to plan/ no one to keep up on the little things/

That made them both so great.

It was the laughter/ smiles as big as/ their Hearts.

These celebrated days have no appeal right now/

Its just consumerism /fake grins/ around a dinner table/

Poorly thought out and disorganized.

No one wants to be here/wallowing in our wine glasses

We can only try to make It okay/“for the kids” we say.

Just keep It going/ “for the kids”/for our sanity/for the memories.

Just get It over with.

It’s what She would have wanted/ How She would have done it.

We mimic traditions/as best we can/ and cry in the bathroom/

Hiding our feelings/ behind pie and spiced cider.

-Chelsea Madsen, 2012

 

admitting laziness & other quandries

so here i am.

at a crossroads. again.

okay, so, in the reality that i somewhat refuse to look straight in the face (until my therapist makes me), which is the actual reality that i exist upon in the present day, here & NOW; i’m at like five different crossroads regarding adult life. i’m just chillin’ here,  just taking my time, smoking a joint (really, in my mind, a cigarette but i wont let myself) & procrastinating like hell. adult life is scary as fuck. & that is an understatement.

this what being a human is, right? being pulled in a ton of different directions, feeling the gravity of everything, all at once upon your chest; but still chugging forward. pushing against the weight of your emotions, carrying on…& on & on….carrying on.

jesus this is agonizing.

❤

falling skies

every seattle-ite woke up today thinking

‘so it begins’

this time of year when the leaves turn the color of my hair

reddish brown and vibrant orange

and the skies turn the color of your eyes

eternally grey seafoam with breaks of blue

we crouch around our cups of coffee and create

battling our emotions that change with the tides

we look out the window while the sky falls around us

and try desperately to remember the clarity that comes after this

‘something you feel strongly about’

i feel strongly about a lot of things. that is obvious. most people are-but this is something that i have wanted to get up on a soap box about lately. something that has the potential to possibly be the phrase i use the most throughout the day.

USE YOUR MOTHER-FUCKING TURN SIGNAL WHILE DRIVING YOU MOTHERFUCKER! IT’S THERE FOR A MOTHER-FUCKING REASON!

its just… such an easy and NECESSARY part of driving- i don’t know how people can be so LAZY about this! is this a pacific northwest thing?! I FEEL LIKE ITS GETTING WORSE.

for about two years i had no left-hand turn signal. for two years brad and i were so broke i couldn’t afford to easily take a left- so i stuck my hand all the way out of my window (rain or shine-all year long) every single time i wanted to bear to the left; every time i wanted to merge-BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN DRIVING.

ITS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD GET TO JUST CASUALLY CHOOSE NOT TO DO.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

‘five ways to win your heart <3’

here goes the writing challenge!
this one was not as easy as i had thought. narrowing it down to five was hard but pretty interesting to think about. ❤

-MUST love to eat. i loooooooooooooove to eat. i eat all day long, if there is food in the house, it disappears almost instantly. i have a ridiculous metabolism coupled with crazy hypoglycemia so i literally need to eat like 8 times a day. luckily, i have been spoiled with food my whole life. my dad and brother are great chefs and my husband is a chef on a professional fine dining level. so we eat and talk about food A LOT. i love to eat out to try new food and wine. to be honest we’re kind of snobs. i wouldn’t say we’re pretentious but we are…selective. mostly because we have easy access to the best and freshest of everything Seattle has to offer; food, wine, herb. i could brag more but its not cute…my husband is though. i’m done.

-love music. i don’t want to say ‘have good taste in music’ because really, i just love talking to people who are passionate about what they listen to and absorb. i want to hear about why your favorite albums are important to you. i adore fan-dom of every kind and i love to get to the bottom of it.

-buy books and have at least 15 favorite books of all time. AT LEAST. i want to know what they are. i enjoy putting new books on my library queue and falling in love with stories suggested to me by someone i know. book-love is big to me.

-talk about sex. its healthy and fun. duh. i enjoy talking to people who can talk about it without blushing. its a fascinating, beautiful human act of nature and everyone is different. everyone has a “thing” and i really like finding out what it is. also, i seem to have a, lets say ‘talent’ for talking about it. people feel like they can tell me things. i actually wrote a play about some of my favorite stories people have told me. anonymously of course. it truly is the best party topic.

-love animals. i can’t really connect with parents, we don’t have kids, but i connect instantly to animal lovers. don’t get me wrong, i’m the worlds best aunt and fairy god mother, but those kids are unique. i don’t know why but they are. i usually don’t want to see pictures of your kid, but you don’t even have to ask about showing me pictures of your animals. JUST SHOW ME.

so there’s the answer. food, music, books, sex and puppies<3